if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
