im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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