barbara walters just said penis...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
