Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
