Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
