haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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