but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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