I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
