You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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