I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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