I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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