if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
