fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
