I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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