I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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