I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
