i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
