The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
