She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
