I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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