I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
