I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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