I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
