what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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