we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
