I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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