When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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