his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
