You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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