Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
