either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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