And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
