I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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