Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
