You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
