dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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