shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
