hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
