dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
