I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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