TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
