laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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