I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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