guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
