So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
