she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
