My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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