The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
