Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
