Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
