He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
